urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jilted_wife1995 jilted_wife1995 jilted_wife1995 2007-05-17T18:43:11Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jilted_wife1995:712 2007-05-17T18:43:11Z 2007-05-17T18:43:11Z Well, I haven't written in here for awhile. I've been busy. I'm finding myself down today. I'm thinking it's because I had been off my effexor since Saturday and just got them today, due to an error. I wanted to know if anyone has ever tried to take themselves off it and what happened. I have been really dizzy and I cry alot, so I know I can't be off right now, but I'm hoping that I can soon because I can't keep affording my meds. I'm on 3 all together. It costs me $40 a piece and one is twice a month. It really sucks when people expect you to get better, but you can't afford the money for the right meds. I think the government needs to help those of us that can't get help to pay for our meds.I can't be better if I don't have my meds.. My husband makes too much money to get help. Which sucks, because we don't have the money for anything. Not even food most of the time, let alone my meds.. So I'm just sitting here trying to get along with life and dealing with the money. And watching everyone suffer, my husband, my kids, and me. I feel so stupid because I don't have a job to better myself, because I know that would help a little, but I don't think I can keep it. I had one and of course I lost it too. Well, sorry to lay this all out on everyone, but I'm just so aggervated at this whole screwed up system!!! urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:jilted_wife1995:483 2007-01-25T01:38:45Z 2007-01-25T01:38:45Z Hi. This is the first time I've been on here for my illness. I just found out I have bi-polar. I have been really depressed and very lonely lately. I've been going through this since November. It feels like I'm going crazy.Noone understands. I've been in the hospital twice since November. I don't know how to explain this to anyone in my family. They just say cheer up. Do it for your kids. Do it for your husband. Well, if I could I would. I want to be normal again. I don't know what normal is anymore. All I feel is this BIG empty black hole sucking me in farther and farther. I'm now cutting also. I get so numb, I don't really feel the pain. I just like to watch it bleed. I have no control over my mind anymore. It's like someone took control. While I'm sitting here the whole world is going past and I'm just watching it go by. Waiting and wondering what is going to happen next. I put up this front in front of everyone right now. They all think I'm getting better. I'm not really. I'm tired of my husband worring about me. I'm tired of being a burden on people. We don't have money for anything right now, because I can't work. We lost half our income. Tried for assistance and we make just over the amount for help with that. So, we are going under fast. I have no control. I try to pick myself up, I just can't!! I think if I would just go away, everyone would be much much happier. I don't know how I got this way. I don't feel normal. Can someone help me feel normal again??? PLEASE????